omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
