u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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