I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
another moral hangover. fuck.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
