Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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