We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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