why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
