How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
