is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
