I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
