My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
