well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
