Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
