ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
