If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
