I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
