I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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