Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
