ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
