I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
