I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
