C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
