drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize