I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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