It's Friday. Sex?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
