I just pynch a tree in the face
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
