She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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