She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize