Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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