And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize