i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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