I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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