do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
