i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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