im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize