Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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