well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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