i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
