So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
