Pappa wants mamma naked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize