At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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