Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
