Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
