Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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