At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
