He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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