I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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