two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
