I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
