he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize