Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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