If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
