i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
