Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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