the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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