I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
