I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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