it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
