I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
