I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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