Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
