I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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