I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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