Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
