So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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