I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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