Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize