Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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