True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize