Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
