his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
