literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
