im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
