What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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