DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
