Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
