Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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