so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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