i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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