The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize