Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
