White coat. Heels.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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