my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
