His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
