Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
