i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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