Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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