You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
