dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
