this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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