the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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