For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i think i just lost a toe
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize