dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
